Check out our client (the host), Beck Bennett, tonight on Rock City!! Interview by Chelsea Clinton.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/21134540/vp/51650860#51650860

Essential life lessons from Cher Horowitz!

“Fluffy always beats practical.” Like duh.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/pieces-of-life-advice-from-cher-horowitz

“OK, Grandma. So it’s this show about this crazy town in Louisiana that is FILLED with sex-crazed vampires and they all want Sookie’s blood. She’s a waitress and a fairy and a mind-reader. Some people call her a fang-banger, but those people are religious freaks. No offense. Her best friend Tara lives with a she-demon, who sometimes makes Tara’s eyes go all black, and the whole town has a huge orgy. Merry Christmas, Grandma, I love you so much!!”

1. What is your best friends name? Niki, Jessie, Amber, Lindsey, Lizzy
2. What color underwear/boxers wearing now? Yellow
3. What are you listening to right now? KKTNY
4. Whats your favorite number? 13
5. What was the last thing you ate? Salad with lotssss of avacado yumm
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? some really glittery sparkly color with a cool name
7. How is the weather right now? perfectttt! 50 degrees!
8. Who was the last person you talked 2 on the phone? Neyney
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Usually hair, which is kind of random
10. Do you have a significant other? Nooo
11. Favorite TV show? Omg so many. Current: Pretty Little Liars, New Girl, 2 Broke Girls, GG, Modern Family, Degrassi. Ever: Friends, OC, Dawson’s, etc.
12. Siblings? Step-sista and brotha
13. Height? 5’5”
14. Hair color? brown
15. Eye Color? hazel
16. Do you wear contacts? oh yes
17. Favorite Holiday? Christmukkah and birthday!
18. Month? July
19. Have you ever cried for no reason? yup
20. What was the last movie you watched? Aquamarine!!
21. Favorite Day of the Year? Probs July 17
22. Are you too shy to ask someone out? nopeee
23. Can you do a headstand (not using the wall)? lol i used to! haven’t tried in forever and kinda too scared too…
24. Hugs or Kisses? both!
25. Chocolate or Vanilla? obvs chocolate
26. Do you want your friends to respond to this? if they want!
27. Who is most likely to respond to a text from you? Anyone I text haha
28. Who is least likely to respond to a text from you? I hope nobody
29. What books are you reading? Finishing the last Hunger Games book finallyyy
30. Piercings? A few ear piercings
31. Favorite movies? Soooo many I don’t know where to start. I will say anything with LiLo.
32. Favorite football Team? Giants!!!! And Canes of course
33. What are you doing right now? Waiting for my friendsies and watch Kim and Kourt
34. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Salted
37. Dogs or cats? Kitties <3 and Dexter
38. Favorite flower? idk i like whatever lol
39. Been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to do? Oh yes
40. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex? not best but lotsa good ones
41. Have you ever loved someone? many people!
42. Who would you like to see right now? anyone happy!
43. Are you still friends with people from kindergarten? A few!
44. Have you ever fired a gun? does that sound like something i would do?
45. Do you like to travel by plane? Only because it means something exciting is happening :-)
46. Right-handed or Left-handed? right
47. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3
48. Are you missing someone? yesss
49. Do you have a tattoo? a baby tattoo!
50. Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with? probably someone!

1. Topanga was at some point in human history considered not only a legitimate first name for a human being, but the kind of name that would inspire in malleable teenage boys a life-long infatuation. Topanga, in our day, was leading lady name-material. Topanga (pronounced Tah-payne-ga, for those who will have only ever seen in it written down) is the name of the quintessential girl-next-door who will live, along with Feeney, in our hearts forever.

2. At some point, we carried around little plastic eggs with tiny screens on them — in these screens lived our hearts, our pets, our raison d’etre, our very own Tamagotchi. We loved them, we listened to their tiny electronic screams of malnourishment, and we occasionally forgot to pick up their poop for long enough that they died a tortured, poop-filled death. They were perhaps our first foray into the life-consuming world of electronics and self-absorption, later to be fully manifested by Facebook.

3. The black Power Ranger was black and the yellow Power Ranger was Asian because…we were so completely ahead of our time and beyond the capacity to even think in terms of something as inconsequential as race that… uh… I don’t know. Casting directors were racist in the nineties.

4. Long before he was spending his days foisting his mediocre children on us, Will Smith was actually the perfect human specimen. He also undoubtedly holds some world record for saving the world the most times while simultaneously delivering flawless catchphrases and giving cool guy nods to the camera. The Men In Black rap song, at the time, was created and received by the public without the slightest trace of irony. Really. He was that good.

5. In some inevitable shift of the time-space continuum in which James Cameron continues to rob humanity of all that is good and sacred in this world, Fern Gully will be known as that movie that ripped off Avatar. It will be up to us to crusade for what is right. It is up to us to explain that Fern Gully was not only a predecessor to Avatar, but far better, in that it contained both Tim Curry as a singing pile of molasses and Robin Williams rapping about animal testing in the pharmaceutical industry. (As a side note, if you have not recently listened to the full lyrics of the “Batty Rap,” I recommend you do, as they are horrifying.)

6. A neighborhood boy who completely disregards your family and puts a ladder directly under the teenage girl’s window to climb up at his discretion is not only acceptable, it’s charming. It’s the kind of stuff that would make said family take the ladder boy under their wing and into their heart. The nineties were a simpler time, one where we didn’t have to worry about things like breaking and entering. Clarissa today would have steel bars on the inside of her window and her father would continually remind her that the next-door boy with his ladder and his touchy hands have no place in his household.

7. Though on the surface, they are the exact same thing in every conceivable way, whether you liked The Backstreet Boys or N*SYNC said more about your character than all of the terrible macaroni art you could ever make for your child psychologist. Essentially, liking *NSYNC meant you liked Justin Timberlake, as he was clearly the Seabiscuit in that race from the get-go. You even liked him with his terrible, icy-blond mini-fro. Liking the Backstreet Boys gave you a bit more of a cultured palate, as there was no clear Diana in those Supremes. Nick was kind of the wholesome, if northern-Florida-redneck safe choice (save for his humiliating younger brother, Aaron). Brian was the shy, sensitive type. AJ was the hottt, dangerous meth addict. Kevin Richardson was mute with sexy, sculpted facial hair. No one liked Howie. Choosing between the two groups was like choosing between two beloved children, but once that line was crossed–there was no going back.

8. “I wanna really really really wanna zig a zig ahh,” has a meaning, and all true nineties kids know it, but we must never share it. Like the Illuminati, it must remain between us, the keyholders. With great power comes great responsibility.

9. Lisa Frank is not the name of a woman, it is the name of a movement, a culture, a way of living. It is a theory, a concept, a belief in something greater than yourself. It is the belief that all girls are entitled to dolphins covered with rainbows, jewel-encrusted frogs, and unicorns in acid-trip colors hugging each other. It is the ideology that no notebook is complete until it literally hurts your eyes to look at from so much color saturation. It is the hope that no school supply, no matter how insignificant, will be left un-bedazzled. It is the knowledge that your eraser cap, and that of your granddaughter’s, and her granddaughter’s after her, will not be some boring little nub–it will be a diamond covered with butterflies in a rainbow of colors. It is the dream of a better tomorrow.

10. Incredibly depressing women in Indiana covered in cats and glass figurines they buy at The Hallmark Store used to troll the web 1.0 to invest thousands of dollars in tiny stuffed animals filled with plastic beans. That happened. Beanie Babies were not just significant, they were the first example most of us had of envy, greed, and wrath. If someone messed up that little heart-shaped Ty tag, so help you God, that was the end of whatever contact you had with that monster of a human being. That tag-less Beanie Baby was now trash, and you had to deal with the consequence. It was at that moment, that de-valued Beanie Baby moment, that most of us accepted the truth… we’ll never have nice things.